5 Ways To Face Your Fears & Be A Confident & Empowered Mother

Are you a mother that had the idea of raising your children a certain way?

You had things planned, you knew what you were going to do and what you weren’t going to do purely based on seeing other mothers and how they would parent.

You knew you were going to feed a certain way, dress them a certain way and have naps at certain times.

Then your story book ideals of parenting all came crashing down when they arrived.

Your bundle(s) of joy has arrived, nothing is as you expected, life has changed, you’ve changed, now its just about finding the easiest and most convenient way through, over and under the whole parenting gig.

Now motherhood has arrived well and truly and you may have your second and third child, you’ve given your self for so long that you’ve forgotten who you are, you feel like you’ve lost your true essence, like your life path has now become your children’s life path.

On top of the daily so called grind, you’ve also lost your confidence, you find yourself triggered almost daily if not many times a day and you wonder what happened, why did everything go down hill? You feel like you need some direction, a boost of some sort to get you back on track but have no idea where to start. You fear if you make some big moves in your life that things wont work out or that you may fail. You want to study or take a part time job but worry about the children and everything that goes along with those decisions, so you take the easy path and forget about your dreams and any goals you may have once had. You go back to living day in day out, just surviving.

If this is you…I want to tell you its ok, it’s a normal part of waking up, of acknowledging theres things amiss and that you are craving more in your life. Being a mother is the most important job in the world, theres no taking away from that but there is also your own path you need to forge. You should never let anything come between your path as a mother but you should also never let motherhood dictate the rest of your life. You can be joyful, creative, fun, loving, run a business, study, heal, achieve goals and live your true life path and be a mother, it is all possible, all without fear too. Here are some ways to start your journey to having the most enriched life with your children along side you, being the mother you’ve always wanted to be as well as living your dream life…

1. Everything in your life truly starts with one person, YOU! It’s time to take resposibnilty for everything that happens in your life. You attract everything that is in your life right now, you made all of it happen, whether you were conscious of it or not. Good and bad, happy and sad. Its all energetically come to you for one reason or another. Perhaps you need to learn some lessons or perhaps you were feeling abundant and rich in life and had some money come through. EVERYTHING happens because of you, including your children’s outbursts and cries for attention. All you. Yes, it’s hard to hear but once you start to realise its you that attracts these things into your life you can just as easily start consciously being aware of your actions, thoughts and feelings so you can attract what you truly desire.

2. HEALING. This is the biggest thing we can do for ourselves and our children. To break the generational cycles of unhealed parenting. To heal and become empowered and intimated adults and in turn teach our children the same thing by leading by example. Healing not only helps you release a lot of old trauma it also helps to lift you up, bring you freedom and help you to become the empowered woman you were born to be. Head to www.lianashanti.com to start with Mother Wound course and then Father Wound and then Life Path to help you uncover your true path. Its the only way to start breaking the cycle that is projected onto the next generation.

3. Facing your fears is not a one and done process. Some fears are with you since childhood and some from previous lifetimes that can stay with you for so long without you realising where its even come from. Fears will hold you back from reaching your goals, your dreams and your highest path. One way to really look at your fears honestly is by recognising when anger, rage or frustration comes up and tap into where its really coming from. Anger is so common with fears and usually is always attached to a fear of some sort. Journal around the emotion and really get to the bottom of why its come up. Sadness is another one, perhaps you are sad because you arent able to take off travelling with your family for a year. Well why? What is holding you back? Fear of failing, fear of it being a success, fear of it being horrible, fear of it causing riffs. Check in and see where the fear has come from then the best way to step through the fear is to know that absolutely everything has divine timing, everythng that appears in your life is for a reason and is meant to be and you are exactly where you are meant to be at every moment in your life. So really, there is no right or wrong, ever. There is only lessons, challenges, learning through pain or learning through taking action, living your life as youre called to do and no fear.

4. Just take a step!! Take some action. When fear has you tied down, where you just couldnt even imagine taking a step forward into the fear just do it anyone, but make it a small step, make a small plan to get yourself through the fear. List down some baby steps that progressively get bigger, make each step a little bit bigger than the last and commit to it! Make it the only thing you concentrate on until you no longer feel crippled by the fear. Maybe its making a big move to another state, you fear that your life will blow up in smoke if you move away from your family, friends, school, work etc etc. You fear that youre going to fail and be living the worst life possible but in your heart you know its what you really want but the fear strongly outweighs any joy you feel on this big decision. Make a list of progressive steps leading up to the move.

   1. Look at areas

   2. Find schools,/classes/activities/restaurants/yoga studios in that area

   3. Look at rentals

   4. Work out your costings to rent/bills/transport/moving/storage

   5. Work out if driving or shipping your car is better

   6. Look at the best time to travel

   7. Perhaps book a trip to go look at said area, take a little holiday

   8. Fall in love with the new area! (easy step)

   9. Get home, start to look at your stuff, what can you get rid of, what could you take, have a garage sale, do some spring cleaning (just in case)

   10. By this stage you should be pretty set, the fear should have subsided and you’re ready to jump into the deep end, or take that step off the plane and skydive into your new life. Take the final step, pull the trigger and be on your way to your new home!

5. MINDSET! This is a biggie, your mindset makes a huge difference to the life youre living and the life you could be living. If you are in a constant state of fear then this is not a good place to be. For one its damaging your body physically, chronic stress and fear puts the body on alert ALL THE TIME. You cant function properly, your digestive system will just shut up shop and you will feel like crap! You will also probably look the part too. So this is why your mindset matters, what you think you become, dark, negative fear energy will consume you on every level. So how to overcome this. A lovely lady I worked with many many moons ago gave me a small exercise to do when I was in a really dark place and quite lost. She got me to write down 10-20 things I was grateful of every single morning and night. Yes it took commitment and was a drag at the start but the difference in how things shifted was unbelievable. I did this for a week and my life changed, the people around me also shifted. I was a nanny at the time and my frequency by the end of the week was so much higher that it spilled over to the children I looked after and there were no more outbursts or fights, they were happy, we were all happy and loving it! Experiement, do this for yourself, switch this mindset over to a happy one, lift up your vibration, vibe at a higher frequency and the fears, doubts and self conscious will start to fade.

Most of all love who you are, where you are and where you’re about to go! Life is only going to get better as long as you put in the work and that good ol’ commitment. Life can truly be anything you want it to be.

Much Love!

Rebecca x.

5 Ways to Consciously Help Your Child Out of a Meltdown

I have practiced attachment parenting and gentle parenting methods from the start but brining in conscious parenting to the mix was a whole lot more about me than it was about my child.

It’s interesting to see the progression from what I thought was conscious to actually being a conscious parent and I know I’ve not got all the pieces together just yet but the more I heal the better I am at being an unconditionally loving and nurturing parent to my child.

I learn new things most days when they are reflected back to me from my daughter but the biggest thing has been healing my own childhood wounds so I could stop projecting them onto her. 

So, here are 5 ways I’ve learnt and that have worked to help a child feel loved, seen and heard when they are in the midst of a meltdown or “tantrum”.

1. Keep your cool, this isn’t about you personally although it may be about you not meeting your child’s need, such as them needing to feel unconditional love, or being heard. Don’t let your inner child react towards your child, you need to step out of your wound, your trigger and be there for your child while they express some big emotions.

2. Don’t try and reason with your child or ask them about what’s going on. When they are in meltdown mode they are in their limbic brain which is responsible for fight or flight so all they are doing is responding to emotions in the way their body knows how. Talking to them won’t help as they can’t switch to their thinking brain(pre frontal cortex) which is what governs emotional regulation.

Best thing to do is pop on some calming music if available and hold your child, you can sometimes do a gentle rock with them in your lap, they may protest but generally if you let them know you are there to help them express their emotions, no matter how long it takes, you’ve got all day for them, and that you love them so much. Ride this out for as long as it takes. If they don’t want to be touched and tell you to go away, just sit nearby them, repeat the above and then let them know whenever they are ready for a cuddle you’re there. They need to know you’ll always be there and that they have enough space to express their emotions freely with unconditional love. You need to show up for them calm and collected and open to helping them when they are ready.
As soon as I started doing this with my daughter, her 45 minute long outbursts reduced each time she had one to the point of her no longer having them, If she had one now it would be because I’ve not seen or heard her when she needed me the most, that is why I always make myself available when she needs me.

Another point to note is that children in their toddler years are discovering emotions, are learning how to regulate but they are also copping a lot of projected wounds from their wounded parents and most parents only know authoritarian parenting which harms children and doesn’t allow them to feel loved, so if you’ve started out this way (which is what happened in my case) then there is a chance to change your ways now and bring in gentle and conscious parenting techniques to help bring calm and harmony to the home. Truly, the outbursts will start to minimise and the connection between your children will start to come back and there will be more love than ever!

3. Be consistent with this method, your child needs to know they are loved no matter what, they need to know you support them and their big emotions, they need to know emotions are normal, being sad is ok, being angry is ok. When they are out of their limbic brain and they have had their emotional release then that is the time to chat about what happened. The child can never do anything wrong per se, they are perfect beings and just need to be loved unconditionally. And having an outburst is definitely not something to be frowned upon or told off about. There may be things that you need to explain to your child about how it’s not really kind if you ruin your brother’s painting and explain why or you may need to explain a boundary which would be hitting or kicking (being violent towards people) and this needs to be set and adhered to at all times, you can even say hours later, “hey, you know before, you seemed to be having some big emotions, which is totally fine, did you want to talk about what was going?, might be nice to chat about it so you can understand it better if it comes up again” if they don’t want to, that’s totally fine too, eventually they will learn that you are a very safe place to express their feelings and emotions and you’ll find them coming up to you at a later date going…”hey can we talk about so and so…?” This will only happen when you continue with the unconditional love, loving your child always, even if they broke your favourite cup or drew all over your favourite couch! Yup, this happened to me and yes I wasn’t pleased and probably didn’t handle it so well, but now, it’s all, ok it’s material, it’s fine, accidents happen and we learn that drawing on mummy’s things is not that nice and we won’t be doing that again, here, here’s some paper to draw on 😂.

4. Now to work on you! If you are triggered when your child has their outburst then this is an amazing opportunity to heal. Your little inner children are in battle mode. They may be angry or frustrated or annoyed that this real life child is having a meltdown and now your inner children have to deal with it, where is their parent to look after them, “we don’t want to deal with a screaming child” “ we want to scream and yell and kick walls” “that’s not fair, why do they get to meltdown and we have to act all grown up”, and so many more child like complaints. Inner children may also just make you switch off, you may just disconnect from your child completely and leave them to it. Personally this isn’t a good move, it’s telling your child that you don’t want to help them and that you have conditions on your love for them.

Inner child work can be tricky, they can be hard to see at first because you’re so used to them running the show that it’s just normal for you to be triggered at things and it’s normal for you to be angry and frustrated at your child/ren. Well this is good news, it’s not normal to be angry and frustrated at your children, but when ever you do feel this way towards your children it’s a moment where you can take a step back, dig into which inner child is coming up and speak to them as you would your own child. Ask them why they are upset and why they want to act out as well, try and dig deep back to that time and dig into what need they were missing from your own parents. Once you’re at that place, feel the emotions and let is come, let it all up to be released, help your little Inner child feel safe to express all of this and then cuddle them and love them to comfort them just as you would want from your own parents. This is called reparenting your inner children, you love them unconditionally, like your parents should have. My beautiful teacher and mentor Liana Shanti talks about a lot of childhood wounding and inner children in her programs and how majority of people on planet earth grew up with conditional love which causes childhood trauma and the cycle just keeps repeating itself until someone like you decided that enough is enough, and you’re ready to heal your core wounds and inner children and give your own real life children a better life, one that is filled with unconditional love and nurture.

5. Bring in techniques that help build connection, calm and harmony to your family life. Tradition is an amazing way to build lifelong memories for your children, a once a week outing or games night or a special movie night. Something your child can look forward to and feels connected to you because it’s their thing with you, that they do every week, it’s special! Try a beautiful morning routing of breathing, doing a round of what your grateful for with your kids and maybe a little fun and games of rough and tumble. Kids love this and are able to express any pent up energy, often exercise and movement are the key to keeping emotions regulated.
Getting creative and painting, drawing, cooking or crafting, getting together to make something build confidence and a sense of togetherness. Kids love to spend time with you, it usually doesn’t matter what it is but having that 1:1 time is so so important, it lights up their world more than you would know, to have that sense that wow mum is here with me, she loves spending time with me. Most parents are quite distant with their kids and don’t carve out that daily 1:1 time with their kids, I believe it’s an absolute must!

Bonus Tip: If your child whines a lot of is asking for your attention a lot it’s because they actually need your attention, don’t make other things more important than your kids. Your kids are your number 1 priority, if you are on your phone, computer, tv, reading, cooking, cleaning, whatever it is, and they come up and ask for your attention and you say no I’m busy right now, you’re basically saying the cleaning, cooking, tv, phone etc is more important than you and you’re second to all those things. If you put yourself in their shoes you know straight away how that would feel, treat your kid’s as the beautiful tiny humans they are, they have so much to teach you if you only open up, hear them, see them and make them your number 1!

Sending love to all the mummas out there! You’ve got this, step by step is all you need to do. 💜🙏🏻

Rebecca x.

Cleanse & Detox

Today I started the 66 Day Health Mastery program by @lianashanti @healthmasteryinstitute.

I started this program back when it first came out and each time I’ve done it the easier it has become. Over the years I’ve continued to peel back the layers with my healing and the once, almost impossible and toxic relationship I had with food has now subsided and I can complete a longer juice fast without falling to ground and crumbling due to crippling “hunger” and out of control cravings.

The healing has involved a lot of core wound work with Lianas programs and healing the inner children who pretty much have controlled my way of eating for years. It has been a form of bypassing and escapism.

The reason for cleansing and detoxing is to break away toxins that have built up in the body over time. We are exposed to 100’s if not 1000’s of toxins daily, week, monthly and it’s near impossible for our body to detox everything out, so what happens is our liver starts to have toxin overload and the pathways start to block up, slowing down all the detoxification processes which in turn will cause your body to have a reaction because the toxins start to recirculate in the body, these are called free radicals and are often more harmful than the original toxins.

The symptoms you start to see are skin issues, rashes, acne, dry skin, hair dry and weak, you will have body odour, headaches, mood swings, irritable, fatigue, weight gain, cravings, nauseas after meals and intolerance to strong smells.

If you have any of these symptoms and have had them for a while it could be likely your liver needs help in detoxifying.

Your liver is a powerhouse and is a vital organ for digestive health and to help you thrive on every level. A sluggish liver leaves you just surviving.

To support your liver…

- Cut out processed foods, alcohol, drugs, pesticides on foods, meats and processed meats.

- Switch to non processed sugar as sweeteners such as maple syrup or honey.

- Minimise or avoid coffee

- Add in loads of fruits and vegetables

- Supplement with liver supporting herbs and foods like leafy greens, turmeric, garlic, beetroot & dandelion root.

Or jump on the 66 Day Health Mastery Cleanse and have it all set out for you, recipes and all, find the program HERE.

If you would like private coaching through this program then get in touch and book a free one hour session where we can work out a coaching plan for your health journey!

Detoxification

Your body is amazing and knows exactly what to do and when to do it but one thing the body isn’t used to is the bombardment of toxins. Our world today is full of them, we come into contact with nearly 1000 different chemicals and toxins every day without even knowing it. The world never used to be like this but with the times came more tech, more plastics, more throw away items than ever before and of course the manufacturers were always looking for cheaper ways to make things which meant new chemicals were made to fill this gap.

Your body is not used to this chemical overload, yes our body can detoxify on it owns but not when your system is backed up and clogged full of these toxins. its like being packed in on a train and trying to get that train out of the station without anyone falling out of it. if anyone falls out then they have to go back to the platform and get back in line for the next train. Our body’s detoxification centre is much like this, once toxins are turned away because of a backload of toxins then it reenters the blood stream and causes us to feel sluggish, ill, fatigued and just sick.

To help our body avoid this catastrophe we help by cleansing, through juicing and eating clean. Going on a juice fast gives all our digestive organs a break and lets our body use that extra energy to help detoxify the liver and repair damaged cells in the body. After a juice fast you will feel amazing, so much energy, your skin will be clear, your mind will be clear and there will be a sense of joy and happiness flowing through you. The first few days are hard as the toxins are being eliminated but once you get past those days you'll feel so alive.